Tuesday, May 12, 2009
This is a tribute for the romantic martyrs. For the lack of a better term, you have been branded as such because you are governed by your strong will to please someone while selflessly sacrificing your own immediate happiness. This is dedicated to those who are never reciprocated at times when they truly deserve appreciation, and to those who are insensitively utilized just because they show that they don't expect anything in return.
This is for the people who can withstand mending someone else's heart while breaking their own. This is for the pain you endured while listening to her when she unraveled how perfect her date was while you're establishing a façade to make it appear that you're happy that she's happy but deep inside you're gradually losing hope of being truly happy. This is for the moments when you watched from a distance as she adores one person after the other, completely overlooking your predisposition as a prospect. This is for the time when you unconsciously surrendered to the fact that you can do nothing more than just being a friend. This is for the moments when you felt that you could do something more but she never looked at you in a different light. This is for the time when you wanted to be useful to someone who doesn't need you.
This is for the time when you needed someone to lean to, but all your hints have apparently bounced off her mind. This is for the pain that nobody knew about. This is for the night when your heart felt like it was stabbed and the weakening sensation radiates from your chest down to your toes. This is for the hundreds of times that you've said that you'd take no more, but with just a hint that she needs you, you'll come back to her rescue. This is for the words that you had the guts to say but couldn't say it anyway.
You often worry because you might miss the opportunity of helping her out. You might also be aware that she might be holding back so that she doesn't hurt you much, just to keep you around. You are branded as masochists because people think that you require pain to feel accomplishment, but in reality, pain is just a consequence for a greater goal of keeping someone happy. You often doubt yourself because you do not know what your strengths are anymore. At times you might think back, admiring what you've endured and how other people could've succumbed at the first signs of pain, but a while later, you despise your weakness in not being able to move on.
I genuinely believe that it takes a lot of courage to be adamant with the intent of keeping somebody happy, but it requires a lot more than courage to move on. I also believe that there's a significant amount of reason behind this kind of martyrdom. It might seem foolish at times, but martyrs often think that the person he/she loves is worth it, but in reality, he or she is never really worth it.
For all the things you endure in this world, you are worth far more than just some bitch or jerk who failed to realize how lucky they are to have someone who can put up with their insensitivity. I know that somewhere inside you, you know that you deserve to be treated better. For all the things you can do, you are more than a gift to someone else. Someone who will treat you better. Someone who will share and reciprocate. There are people in this world who will realize your worth.
Happiness is just around the corner. Take your time. Move on. Be happy.
~me~ at
9:41 PM
